sleep!

This really has nothing what-so-ever to do with my "radical experiment." But it DOES have something to do with a previous post, and Levi told me I needed to post something new anyway.

I slept last night!!! Through the whole night! Seven straight hours of sleep! I didn't wake up once until morning! AND it only took me an hour to fall asleep!!! This is the first decent night's sleep I have had in TWO MONTHS!!!! Praise God!! And thank you to everyone who has been praying for me. :)

~Sarah~

awesome power...

I've been thinking a lot lately about how God chose to solve major problems throughout Biblical history.

When the Egyptians were pursuing the Israelites, God parted a sea and then drowned the Egyptians in the middle of it.

When God wanted to defeat a mighty nation to bring His people into the land He had promised them, He had them march around the city a bunch of times playing musical instruments and yelling. 

In one battle, God "defeated" an army by striking them all with blindness.

 

When thousands of people needed food, Jesus specifically told His disciples NOT to send them into town for food--He asked them to give the people food, instead, and when they couldn't, He did.

And so on and so forth. 

The pattern is clear. God chooses to solve problems in ways that defy human logic/power and display HIS power. Not ours. 

"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him."

And so I wonder how God would choose to solve the problems in our world today.Extreme poverty? It seems as if He might provide them with food. AIDS? It seems as if He would simply heal them.

Money is good. I'm glad to send what little money I have and give what little time I have. But it seems as if God's solutions are far bigger than that. 

What if we ALL, every last Christian on this planet, started praying to the God "who is able to do immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine." What if we asked Him to solve these enormous problems in HIS way, by HIS power, not our own?

Will you join me in prayer?

changed my mind?

When I started this project, I wasn't sure where my money should go or where I should serve. So I decided to support a well. Without praying about it. :)

I just finished reading "Red Letters" and at the back there is a list of specific ways you can help out.

And I learned about "gogo"'s, elderly village women who take in AIDS orphans.

http://www.gogograndmothers.com/pages.asp?pageid=68994

And so I'm thinking/praying about supporting a village gogo instead.

Is it bad to change the specifics of my "commitment" when the actual commitment, to sacrifice my own wants and desires in order to have money to give away to a specific cause, remains the same?


Also, I currently sponsor a child from Armenia, but I'm thinking about adding a child from another part of the world.

I don't know though.

This is the part where I usually get stuck. There is SO MUCH need that I don't always know where or how to start. Usually that's an excuse for me to do nothing though, and that is the worst possible response.

So I'm going to commit to spending some time in prayer over it, and wait until I get an answer. And keep saving the money while I'm waiting.

Does anyone have any thoughts/advice?

Today....

Sometimes it's really hard to focus on today. Yesterday still seems overwhelming, and tomorrow consumes ridiculous portions of my time and attention. Yet Christ taught us not to worry about tomorrow. 

"So don't worry about these things, saying "what will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear? These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."

Most of us don't worry about what we will eat or drink or wear tomorrow simply because we have already planned for it. We have taken God out of the picture and have padded our bank accounts with extra money for food, rent, clothing, and even emergencies. We aren't trusting God for our tomorrows, we're trusting ourselves. But Christ tells us not to worry about these things, and instead to focus on TODAY. So I started thinking...what is going on today?

Today...

• 16,000 children died of hunger-related causes
• 5,500 people died of AIDS
• 4,000 people died of malaria
• 2,200 people were trafficked across national borders
• 2 million people in Haiti are homeless

 ...to name a few.... 

It just seems to me like this world has bigger problems than the 'problem' on which I typically spend my time, energy, prayer life, and money....

insomnia continued

Note: apparently recognizing that your reasons for insomnia are pathetic and attempting to overcome them does not make you able to sleep.

Hmmmm......

insomnia

I couldn't sleep again last night. It was even more frustrating than usual. I haven't gotten a decent night's sleep in well over a month, and I have reached new heights of exhaustion that I didn't think were possible. But as annoying as my sleeplessness is, I've never really seen it as pathetic. Never until last night, that is.

 Just a few hours before my futile attempts at sleep, I was leaving the church building. It was freezing out, and I was so cold I hurt. Right as I got to my car, I saw a woman across the street from me. She was dragging a cart behind her. She looked as cold as I felt, dressed in a shabby looking coat.

My heart ached for her. But as I got into my car, I cried out to God, "now what?" It's one thing to feel compassion for the cold and the hungry, but it's another thing to know what to do with them when you meet them alone on the streets of Albany late at night. I had no idea what to say to her or how to start a conversation with her. I was terrified--not that she would do anything to me, just that I would mess it all up somehow. It's amazing how paralyzing fear can be.

I got into my car, uncertain what to do or how to help. I prayed and prayed but I had no real answer. I saw the woman go through a trash can, and I knew that I had to do something. So I rolled down the window of my car, took a deep breath, and called out, "can I help you?"

The woman looked up at me, startled. I tried again. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

She shook her head at me. Of course she shook her head at me. I was in a car, shouting at the poor woman from the middle of the road. I tried to park my car, but there was nowhere to park. So I tried again. "Do you need anything? Food? Or money? Or anything?" She shook her head again, but this time she looked at me with the biggest grin on her face. She smiled at me for a moment or two and then quietly walked on.

Should I have followed her? Probably. Should I have ditched the car in the middle of the street and wondered after her and tried harder? Probably. But I didn't. I watched her leave, and then I started to drive home.

I didn't make it very far. I was probably a block away before I broke down crying. I sobbed all the way home, certain I would never forget that woman's face or her smile. I had no idea what I should have done differently, I only knew that I should have done something differently. I cried thinking about how cold the night was, about how desperate she must have been to have resorted to searching through trash cans. I cried and I pleaded with God, longing to change, wishing I knew how to help or what to do.

And then I came home. I came home to my apartment, wrapped up in a couple of blankets, and turned up the heat. I settled down in my comfy chair, read for a little while, and then crawled into my warm, cozy bed. And hoped...and prayed...for three or four solid hours...that I would be able to fall asleep.

But I couldn't. And as I lay there, attempting to fall asleep, I suddenly remembered the woman I had seen. What was wrong with me that I had allowed myself to focus so entirely on my puny problems that I had forgotten her so quickly? I mean, seriously, what was wrong with me? I haven't been able to sleep in over a month. Why? Over a broken heart. With thousands of children dying all over the world and hundreds of people starving only miles away, I was losing sleep over a guy? I can't believe how self-centered I am or how backwards my priorities are. 

There are hungry, hurting people all over this world. Every day children starve to death. Every day people, young and old, die and go to hell. People I know are going to hell. And I lie awake at night thinking about my "problems."

There's  a line from a Les Mis song that says "our little lives don't count at all." In a way, it's true. We're supposed to seek first God's Kingdom, not worry about our own pathetic little problems. But the beauty is that while God deeply cares about His glory and His Kingdom, He also deeply cares about us. And while we go about seeking first God's Kingdom, He takes care of everything else. He works everything together for us, for our good. So we can be focused on His Kingdom, because God is taking care of the rest.

Red Letters Cont...

This truly isn't particularly a good book. It isn't that well-written, and none of it strikes me as being overly profound. However, it continues to give me pause to think, pushing me out of my comfort zone and challenging me to love more deeply, give more compassionately, and follow Christ more fully.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from chapters 3-5.


"In Western Kenya standards, I would say my papa was a rich man. We could afford new clothes every Christmas and school fee and three square meals in a day."


"In most societies you'll find groups of people whom others deem untouchable. They go by many names--the unclean, the poor, the cursed, the trash of society. Lepers surely fall into this category. And, whether out of ignorance or embarrassment, many people today would quietly shuffle those suffering from AIDS into that "untouchable" category as well.  From a spiritual perspective, this category isn't the horrible place we might think it to be. Untouchables hold a very special place in the heart of God. He is their rescuer, their defender, and he is the one who takes up their cause.

And that's where we come in We are God's hands. What God cares about , we ought to care about. No matter how poor, no matter how down and out, no matter how untouchable people are, as Christ followers we are to reach out to them with compassion. We are to do the work Jesus commands us to do--feed the hungry, heal the sick, provide shelter for the homeless."


"Picture Jesus walking down the streets of Jerusalem. What moved his heart? Where was his compassion revealed? What received most of his attention? The needs of the poor, the down and out, the handicapped, the orphan, the prostitute, and the widow. Over and over again, this is where Jesus poured out his life. He didn't do this out of duty or requirement. He didn't stop to ask what led the people to their place of pain or need. He reached out because his heart was overflowing with compassion. He made other men and women's sorrows his sorrows and other people's suffering his suffering. We're to follow in his footsteps. "

"Fear is almost as pervasive in our culture as Starbucks or Wal-Mart. We are a culture predicated on fear. But what are we afraid of? Loss. Loss of our jobs, financial loss, the loss of friends, our reputations, and even ourselves." 


"God makes this 'deal' with us in the Bible: 'If you take care of the things that are on my heart, I'll take care of the things on yours.' Not a bad arrangement if you're paying attention to the things that matter to God."

"It pains me to say that we, as a church, have thus far failed to live up to Jesus' hope for our "being" the kingdom of God when it comes ot the crisis in Africa. Don't misunderstand me. There are lots of good people doing great things to make a difference in Africa. But the Samaritans are the people on the frontlines rallying the world's help. Rock stars, high-profile actors, and secular humanitarians have stepped up to the plate with actions to match their words, while the church has been sitting quietly (if uncomfortably) on the sidelines. Thank God for Samaritans." 

"It's not like we black out those sections in our Bibles that speak of Jesus' immense care and concern for the orphan and the widow. We know it. We talk about it. But how well do we live it?"

Red Letters

"How different would our world be if Christians were really living as little Christs?"  ~CS Lewis

"Most of my life, I have prayed that these sorts of transformations would occur almost magically. That I would wake up one day and be a totally different person. That all of my desires would be godly. That I would have a natural inclination to deny myself, pick up my cross, and follow Jesus. That I would suddenly just love my enemy. But it did't happen like that. Transformation did occur when I would hear the words of Jesus and obey them, no matter how I felt."

"Why don't we act? Why don't we choose to make a difference? One reason is because we're afraid. We spend most of our time trying to protect what we have, fearing what would happen if that went away. When we do this, we become shackled to our possessions. We can't reach far enough to offer compassion because our arms are too busy holding all that we own."

"He (Jesus) came to die for the world, the whole world. Yeah, everyone. Jesus came to die for the terrorist who wants to blow up the building where you work. He came to die for Osama bin Laden. He came to die for the pervert, the child molester, and the convicted rapist.  Consider Jesus' last act of compassion before breathing his final breath: He forgave a thief who was dying on the cross next to him. This was not a wrongly convicted man of high standing, but a dirty, rotten, rightly convicted thief. I suspect the man lived a horrible life. Certainly he didn't deserve to be forgiven. And of course, that's the crux of the gospel message. I don't deserve to be forgiven either."

"At the end of the day I'm left with the responsibility to do something. To reach out with compassion to the neighbor across the street and the neighbor across the ocean."

~Red Letters by David Platt, from chapters 1-2

no pizza :(

I'm pretty careful with my money, so I haven't had much of an opportunity to really "sacrifice" anything in particular in order to give the money away. Until tonight that is! Tonight was laundry night. Note: I hate laundry night. So I always balance the crummy fact that I have to do laundry with the joyous fact that the laundromat is next door to my favorite pizza place. Yum. Yep, you got it. Laundry night = pizza night.

Until tonight. Because that slice of pizza costs $3.24. Plus I usually get a drink. So tonight I did laundry, went for a walk while the laundry was in the laundromat, and then came home, all without the faintest hint of a slice of pizza.

$3.24 has now been officially saved to give kids who are dying of thirst some water. I guess it was worth not having the pizza, haha.

~Sarah~

GO

One of the central components of the radical experiment is to GO. To leave our context, even if it's for a short time, and to GO somewhere, preferably to another country. I've heard this shoved down my throat ever since the early days of Sunday School: "GO therefore, and make disciples of ALL nations..." And countless ambitious Christians have guilted countless younger Christians into believing that "good" Christians GO...leaving their belongings, their families, and their countries to pursue the heathen in foreign missions.

Certainly it has been the cry of my heart since I was a child. GO. I don't like America very much, and I have been attracted to other cultures since I was young. When I was in only third grade, I would announce to anyone who would listen that I wanted to be a missionary to Africa when I grew up.

Not much has changed. I can't stand this American obsession with our knowledge, our stuff, and ourselves. I can't stand the heart-attitudes of our culture or the lukewarm nature of our Church. I WANT to GO. It isn't even just about being the "good Christian" or "being willing to give up everything for Him." I WANT to GO. I can't wait to GO.

So, this lines up, right? God called us to go into all nations. I can't wait to get out of here. I should just leave, right?

WRONG. Because when it comes right down to it, God has prepared each one of us for our own good works. He knit us together when we were still in our mothers' wombs, and He has spent our entire lives calling us and preparing us for His plans for us. And He has already laid the foundation for the good works He wants us to do: "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them" (Eph 2:10, NASB). He knows what He wants each of us to do, and He calls us each uniquely.

And you will notice in scripture that while He gave His 11 the command to GO, they didn't all go to the same place. They didn't all start running off to save the heathen in foreign missions. Sure, some of them did. But what about Peter? Did Peter GO? 

Maybe he did, but it wasn't to the heathen in foreign missions. You see, when Christ called Peter, He called him the "rock" upon which He would build His church. Peter was called to GO, yes, but he was called to go build the church. He was called to GO...to the circumcised. 

We all take this for granted, but think about it. Peter had been instructed by His Lord to "GO into ALL nations." He had been told that he would be the foundation of the Church. And yet it was not to those "heathen" uncircumcised" that he was sent. "...I (Paul) had been entrusted with the uncircumcised, just as Peter had been the circumcised, for He who effectually worked for Peter in his apostleship to the circumcised effectually worked for me also to the Jews" (Galatians 2:7-8). While Paul was called as a missionary, Peter was called to the religious leaders of the day. He built the Church by going to the "church" and preaching the good news to those who thought they already knew it. Sound familiar?

When you think about it, this is the way that God has chosen to use His people. As a body. We all receive different gifts. We are all given different ministries. And yes, we are all told to GO. But we are NOT all told to go into foreign nations. Sometimes leaving our comfort zone and putting everything on the line for God happens HERE, right where He placed us in the first place. 

I've always felt a strange connection to Peter. I admire Him for how real He is with Jesus and for how deeply He seems to love Him. I also sympathize with him on the faith issue. I am totally the person who has the incredible faith to start walking across the water...and I am also the person who starts sinking a few moments later. I'm the person who will live and breathe and die for Christ...and I'm also the sort of person who might deny Him in moments of absolute doubt or fear. Like Peter, God has given me mountain-moving faith to accomplish great things for His Kingdom. And like Peter, my own flesh and logic interferes far too often, and I find myself sinking every time I take my eyes off of my Lord. 

I now see this even greater connection to Peter. Because, like Peter, I believe that God is calling me to GO. But I no longer see this happening on the foreign missions field. I believe that God is calling me to GO to America, to the cities, to the church. I believe that God is calling me to live for Him and to die for Him, but to do it HERE. Like Peter, I believe that God is calling me to the religious people of my day. I believe He is calling me to help build the Church by going to the "church" and preaching the good news to those who think they already know it.  

All praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who knows me so intimately, loves me so deeply, has called me so specifically, and has gifted me so uniquely. I have so much to learn about when, and where, and how to GO. But I no longer doubt that in fulfilling His unique purposes for me, I will be GOing, just the way He commanded me.

~Sarah~

commitment #4

Went to a women's Bible study at a local church tonight. I was beyond terrified. Why is it that I can walk into experiences that are really dangerous (both physically and spiritually) with next to no fear, but walking into a room with 12 kind, caring Christian women beyond terrifies me?

After giving a mumbled and frightened introduction, I sank into my chair and started praying. I find myself rather ridiculous. How is God ever going to use someone who is terrified to death by people???? We have a long way to go.....

The  Bible study itself seems like it will be very good for me. There are a lot of women there who are very transparent and friendly and it seems like I could learn a lot from them. I look forward to the potential of being discipled.

~Sarah~

epic failure?

This "radical experiment" was very much on my mind and heart as I was driving home from church today. I drove past a man with a shopping cart fishing cans out of a garbage can. All I could think about was how cold he must be and whether or not he was hungry. I decided to give him some money, so I drove to the nearest ATM to get some cash. It took FOREVER.

By the time I had found my way back to the street where I had first found the man, he was nowhere in sight. Fail #1. At least I'm now saving my cash so that the NEXT time I have the urge to give someone money I'll actually have some.


I drove all around Albany talking with God, mostly about my complete inability to listen to His voice. As I was driving, I saw this woman sitting on the steps of a church building. This woman had been there half an hour before when I had driven by to find an ATM.


Filled with both compassion and fear, I decided to stop. Unfortunately for me, I have absolutely no idea how to start a conversation with strangers. I tried, I honestly tried my best, but I'll be honest, it was awkward. 


But the horrible thing is, when I asked if she was OK, there were tears in her eyes. She told me there was no reason why she would not be alright. We went back and forth and back and forth, exchanging little more than pleasantries. When I asked her if she wanted to talk, tears welled up in her eyes and she almost completely broke down. But she said no. Repeatedly. 


I asked for wisdom, but I had so much trouble hearing Daddy's voice. I didn't know if I should stay or go. I didn't know what to do. So I just sat there. I sat there. And I waited. And I prayed. 


And then she got up and left. No conversation. No sharing of the Gospel. Just a quiet afternoon sitting silent on the steps of the church together.


But...I had compassion and I took action. I think it's a start. But I have so, so, so much to learn.....




~Sarah~

The Radical Experiment Take One

So I just finished reading "Radical" by David Platt (incredible book), at the end of which he proposes a "radical experiment." The radical experiment really isn't all that radical, so it's something even this lukewarm Christian is ready to attempt.

I decided to blog my experiences with this experiment--my inevitable failures, along with the ways that God is changing me through it--so that hopefully some of you can be inspired to try it too. Can you imagine what this world would look like if all of us lukewarm believers started living (even a little bit) radically???

The radical experiment is as follows:

Over the next year....

1. I will pray for the entire world.
2. I will read through the entire Word
3. I will sacrifice my money for a specific purpose.
4. I will spend my time in another context
5. I will commit my life to multiplying community

For me, I am choosing to commit to the following:

1. I will pray for a different country or people group every day for the next 365 days.

2. I will continue how I am currently reading and make sure that I read through the entire Bible at least once in the next 365 days.

3. David emphasizes the sacrifice part of this commitment. So I will sacrifice by giving my personal spending money, giving my money for new clothes, and/or selling my "stuff"so that I will have enough money to give a well through world vision. I will NOT sacrifice my current giving to provide money for this.
4-5 I still need to pray about these two...but by the end of this year I will serve God for at least one week (David's suggestion) somewhere outside of my general area (albany OR western NY for me), and I will become plugged into a small group of believers who are intent on discipling others.



~Sarah~


PS: I might be a little bit terrified about number 3 right now...I figured out how much money I could afford to give if I took away all "luxury" spending, and it was about 1/5 the cost of a well!!!!! Hahahahaha...this should be one exciting adventure of a ride!!!!!