....for Katie

Katie has been yelling at me...repeatedly...for months...for not writing anything in this blog.  I tell her that I have absolutely nothing to say and that I wouldn't even begin to know what to write about.

Unfortunately, that's really not true.

So just in case anyone actually still checks up on this, despite my pathetic inactivity over the past few months, this post's for (and partially from) Katie.

Katie: 2011 can't be THAT long cuz it doesn't even have a blog post from you...

Sarah: lol. i don't know what to write

Katie: re-post the note 

**I put up a note on facebook. So i guess that that will be my next post, lol**

Sarah: mostly because every time I try to ask God anything about ANYTHING he says "wait!" and whenever i ask for clarity he says "wait!"  I'm stuck. *sighs* What do you say about your "radical experiment" when all God says is wait over and over and over again?

Katie: that you think it's pretty radical to wait in a culture of "NOW!!!!!!!!!!!"?

Sarah: I think it's pretty annoying to wait. Does that count?

Katie: radically annoying?

Sarah: hahahahahaha. sure. It's like, here I am, all ready to go do SOMETHING. There are hungry people here who need to be fed, physically and spiritually. There are a million places that are in desperate need of radical prayer. There are people asking me to be in ministries. My church is asking me to be in leadership. The people I work with hate Christians. There's so much work to be done. But all I hear is "wait, wait, wait." lol. And then as far as radically giving....well...it doesn't feel that radical to save my spending money and to not have money for new clothes for work. Or to refuse to get a retirement account even though everyone thinks I'm nuts.

Katie: just because it doesn't feel radical doesn't mean it isn't.

Sarah: I'm trying to also make double payments on my student loans because God made it clear that that is a priority. So I got my spending down to very little so that I could do that, and then my "well" money comes out of my personal spending and clothes budget. So yeah. This does not feel radical at all. Wow, I wear old clothes to work and don't buy things for myself.

Katie: radical in this sense is in comparison with other's actions and not your own.

I think.

Sarah: and then the truth is that I know that everything God is asking me to do right now is extremely radical. It's just not a radical I feel comfortable with. And so I guess honestly I understand all the people who cling to their retirement accounts and their Friday night movies and won't open their eyes to the hungry people around them or the battles that are constantly waging. Because radical isn't...comfortable. But at least THAT type of radical feels like you're doing something. This type of radical is harder. It's harder for me, probably not for people who are actually good at anything...to give God the reins and let HIM do the radical things.I guess that's what's so radical about where God wants me to be right now. I'm not supposed to DO anything radical. I'm supposed to let HIM do all the radical things. But I guess...isn't that what being radical is all about anyway? Sitting back and having faith that God will come through in an incredibly awesome and radical way?

And so if you've stuck with me long enough to realize that I posted this, and if you've read through all of this nonsense that I went rambling on about to poor Katie last night, then I guess what I'm saying is...

I haven't posted in awhile because the radical that God is calling me to right now is NOT the radical that I signed up for at the beginning of the experiment. It's NOT a safe radical (although, it's funny, the author of the radical experiment would probably never have called his radical a "safe" radical). But it's where God wants me, so ultimately it's better and more terrifying and more beautiful. So if you'd like to keep reading, I suppose I can begin sharing the radical experiment that GOD is calling me to, which will be infinitely better than the radical experiment I have designed for myself. 

~Sarah~