Amusement Park Rides

I love amusement park rides. Every part of them. The rush you feel when you're suddenly flipped upside down or dropped hundreds of feet. But I'm also TERRIFIED of heights. And because I'm kind of thin, there's usually a lot of space in between me and the safety harness. It hardly makes me feel secure.


I remember this one time when I was on a ride at Sea Breeze. I was having a blast, but at the same time, part of my brain was convinced that I was about to be thrown out onto the pavement hundreds of yards away. It's not that I'm afraid to die...but this wouldn't have been the time, the place, or the way I would've chosen. And so instead of just sitting back and enjoying the ride, I clung for dear life to the safety harness.

As if my puny arms actually made a difference. At those speeds, if something HAD gone wrong, there's no way I would've had time to react. Even if I did, my twig-like arms would have done very little to actually keep me safe.

I knew  this. But I continued to hold on tightly. All around me people were enjoying the ride, arms flailing, clearly having fun. I was enjoying the ride too...just not as much as everyone else. My semblance of control was too important to me..I needed to FEEL like I was doing something...even if I knew that it was little more than a pretense.

I think that lately my life has been a little bit like an amusement park ride. God is flipping my world upside down and carrying me along at break neck speeds. I feel continually out of control. I'm enjoying the ride--truly I am. As difficult as it is at times, I wouldn't trade the exhilaration of letting God be in control or the peace of having Him near for the entire world.

But I'm terrified. I'm scared that on one of these turns something's going to wrong and I'm going to start helplessly spinning out of control, probably bashing my brains onto the pavement. I don't LIKE the feeling of helplessness.

And so I continue to cling, half the time kicking and screaming. I know that my puny attempts to hold onto control accomplish nothing. As if the King of the Universe was going to fail me, but I could somehow make a difference. As if my "control" over each situation in my life was actually anything more than a pretense. As if my futile attempts to be in control of the situation really meant anything. It's like clinging to the safety harness in an amusement ride--pointless and an unnecessary distraction.

I'm strapped in more securely than I've ever been on any ride. My Father, who loves me more than I can begin to imagine, is holding onto me. And I hear Him gently whispering, "let go." That's it. It's that simple. I have to stop pretending that I'm in control of any part of my life. I have to trust my safety harness....knowing that it will hold me in. And start flailing my arms in absolute freedom, enjoying the wild ride that comes from following God.

It's a terrifying thing, obeying the call of the living God. And yet I have a feeling that once I truly let go, nothing could ever be better.

~Sarah~