I love amusement park rides. Every part of them. The rush you feel when you're suddenly flipped upside down or dropped hundreds of feet. But I'm also TERRIFIED of heights. And because I'm kind of thin, there's usually a lot of space in between me and the safety harness. It hardly makes me feel secure.
I remember this one time when I was on a ride at Sea Breeze. I was having a blast, but at the same time, part of my brain was convinced that I was about to be thrown out onto the pavement hundreds of yards away. It's not that I'm afraid to die...but this wouldn't have been the time, the place, or the way I would've chosen. And so instead of just sitting back and enjoying the ride, I clung for dear life to the safety harness.
As if my puny arms actually made a difference. At those speeds, if something HAD gone wrong, there's no way I would've had time to react. Even if I did, my twig-like arms would have done very little to actually keep me safe.
I knew this. But I continued to hold on tightly. All around me people were enjoying the ride, arms flailing, clearly having fun. I was enjoying the ride too...just not as much as everyone else. My semblance of control was too important to me..I needed to FEEL like I was doing something...even if I knew that it was little more than a pretense.
I think that lately my life has been a little bit like an amusement park ride. God is flipping my world upside down and carrying me along at break neck speeds. I feel continually out of control. I'm enjoying the ride--truly I am. As difficult as it is at times, I wouldn't trade the exhilaration of letting God be in control or the peace of having Him near for the entire world.
But I'm terrified. I'm scared that on one of these turns something's going to wrong and I'm going to start helplessly spinning out of control, probably bashing my brains onto the pavement. I don't LIKE the feeling of helplessness.
And so I continue to cling, half the time kicking and screaming. I know that my puny attempts to hold onto control accomplish nothing. As if the King of the Universe was going to fail me, but I could somehow make a difference. As if my "control" over each situation in my life was actually anything more than a pretense. As if my futile attempts to be in control of the situation really meant anything. It's like clinging to the safety harness in an amusement ride--pointless and an unnecessary distraction.
I'm strapped in more securely than I've ever been on any ride. My Father, who loves me more than I can begin to imagine, is holding onto me. And I hear Him gently whispering, "let go." That's it. It's that simple. I have to stop pretending that I'm in control of any part of my life. I have to trust my safety harness....knowing that it will hold me in. And start flailing my arms in absolute freedom, enjoying the wild ride that comes from following God.
It's a terrifying thing, obeying the call of the living God. And yet I have a feeling that once I truly let go, nothing could ever be better.
~Sarah~
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Radical Words
I was reading from Matthew this morning, and I was struck by how insane--quite literally--Christ must have seemed to the people he was speaking to. In our culture, only more so. Even in our "Christian" culture, one who honestly tried to live out the words of our own Savior would be branded a fool by most.
Whoever says, 'you fool' is guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.
I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you.
Whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.
You are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
And so on and so forth. I've heard the words since I was a child. But today I actually stopped and listened to them. Really listened. "Whoever says 'you fool' is guilty enough to go into the fiery hell"??? Calling my brother a fool is THAT serious? I mean, I know that every sin separates us from God and is enough to cast us into hell. But how often does the Bible name specific sins that are guilty enough for the fires of hell? And he chooses calling someone a fool? How often have I done that without even stopping to think about it. Someone I disagree with is a fool. Someone who makes a mistake I wouldn't have made is a fool. I shudder to think about how often I mocked George Bush's foolishness.
Or what about the verse about even looking at a woman with lust. Think about it. Think about what lust is. I attempt not to look at guys. Literally. Most people think I'm insane, but I keep it pretty quiet, so it isn't a big deal. But I know a man who feels guilty when he does look at a girl with any type of lust. When he looks at a part of girl's body he shouldn't, or when he looks at a girl to call her pretty. He's careful to obey, but of course, like any other, he isn't perfect. And people, quite literally, think he's crazy. They tell him he's extreme. Legalistic even. That he's "too obsessed" with obeying God. I have seen countless fellow Christians mock, tear down, and accuse a man for following the words of Christ. I'm guilty of it myself before I began to understand his wisdom and obedience.
This makes no sense to me. Why is it that in a Christian world we can tear down a man for his humble obedience? Attack him for his lack of wisdom and even tell him that he isn't as spiritually mature as we are...when he is simply attempting to follow a few of the extreme commands of Christ.
I think that our version of Christianity today has completely lost a sense of discipleship. What does it mean to truly follow Christ? He said that "if you love me you will keep my commandments." Sounds pretty straight forward, doesn't it? And yet I know very few people who honestly attempt to keep them.
It's like we have this incredibly watered down version of what it means to be a Christ-follower. Like we focus so entirely on His love and mercy that we completely forget that God is King of the universe, that He passionately hates sin, and that while He may be slow to wrath, His wrath is terrible.
And it's also like we pick and choose which sins matter. But the truth is: sin matters. Any sin. Period. Calling someone a fool lands you a life sentence in hell. And even though we HAVE been saved, sin still matters. Because it separates us from God. Because it keeps us from fully following and enjoying Him. And because if we really loved Him, we would obey His commandments."
I started this blog after reading a book called "Radical." I remember thinking at the time that while following David's challenge might change a lot in my life, it wasn't really radical. Not compared to the Bible. The truth is, that most of our lives could flip upside down in absolutely every aspect, and they still wouldn't seem radical in light of the Bible. What Christ called each of us to was radical...every single part of it. To be a Christian means to live a radical life with every breath that we breathe. There's no more room for comfort. Be radical, or don't bother pretending you're following Christ. Isn't that part of what He meant when He said that "he who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is not fit for the Kingdom"? I want to be like Francis Chan, who claimed that "I just want my life to look like it belonged in this book (the Bible)."
We may be children, but we are also servants. And more than anything in this world, I long to hear the words, "well done, good and faithful servant." I truly believe that that involves a life of radical obedience, one where even my brothers and sisters in Christ will mock my attempts to follow Him. And to my brother who, through his patient enduring of that mockery, has taught me so much about living in quiet obedience, if I could say one thing it would be this: "well done, good and faithful servant of the most High. Keep on fighting."
~Sarah~
Whoever says, 'you fool' is guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.
I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you.
Whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.
You are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
And so on and so forth. I've heard the words since I was a child. But today I actually stopped and listened to them. Really listened. "Whoever says 'you fool' is guilty enough to go into the fiery hell"??? Calling my brother a fool is THAT serious? I mean, I know that every sin separates us from God and is enough to cast us into hell. But how often does the Bible name specific sins that are guilty enough for the fires of hell? And he chooses calling someone a fool? How often have I done that without even stopping to think about it. Someone I disagree with is a fool. Someone who makes a mistake I wouldn't have made is a fool. I shudder to think about how often I mocked George Bush's foolishness.
Or what about the verse about even looking at a woman with lust. Think about it. Think about what lust is. I attempt not to look at guys. Literally. Most people think I'm insane, but I keep it pretty quiet, so it isn't a big deal. But I know a man who feels guilty when he does look at a girl with any type of lust. When he looks at a part of girl's body he shouldn't, or when he looks at a girl to call her pretty. He's careful to obey, but of course, like any other, he isn't perfect. And people, quite literally, think he's crazy. They tell him he's extreme. Legalistic even. That he's "too obsessed" with obeying God. I have seen countless fellow Christians mock, tear down, and accuse a man for following the words of Christ. I'm guilty of it myself before I began to understand his wisdom and obedience.
This makes no sense to me. Why is it that in a Christian world we can tear down a man for his humble obedience? Attack him for his lack of wisdom and even tell him that he isn't as spiritually mature as we are...when he is simply attempting to follow a few of the extreme commands of Christ.
I think that our version of Christianity today has completely lost a sense of discipleship. What does it mean to truly follow Christ? He said that "if you love me you will keep my commandments." Sounds pretty straight forward, doesn't it? And yet I know very few people who honestly attempt to keep them.
It's like we have this incredibly watered down version of what it means to be a Christ-follower. Like we focus so entirely on His love and mercy that we completely forget that God is King of the universe, that He passionately hates sin, and that while He may be slow to wrath, His wrath is terrible.
And it's also like we pick and choose which sins matter. But the truth is: sin matters. Any sin. Period. Calling someone a fool lands you a life sentence in hell. And even though we HAVE been saved, sin still matters. Because it separates us from God. Because it keeps us from fully following and enjoying Him. And because if we really loved Him, we would obey His commandments."
I started this blog after reading a book called "Radical." I remember thinking at the time that while following David's challenge might change a lot in my life, it wasn't really radical. Not compared to the Bible. The truth is, that most of our lives could flip upside down in absolutely every aspect, and they still wouldn't seem radical in light of the Bible. What Christ called each of us to was radical...every single part of it. To be a Christian means to live a radical life with every breath that we breathe. There's no more room for comfort. Be radical, or don't bother pretending you're following Christ. Isn't that part of what He meant when He said that "he who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is not fit for the Kingdom"? I want to be like Francis Chan, who claimed that "I just want my life to look like it belonged in this book (the Bible)."
We may be children, but we are also servants. And more than anything in this world, I long to hear the words, "well done, good and faithful servant." I truly believe that that involves a life of radical obedience, one where even my brothers and sisters in Christ will mock my attempts to follow Him. And to my brother who, through his patient enduring of that mockery, has taught me so much about living in quiet obedience, if I could say one thing it would be this: "well done, good and faithful servant of the most High. Keep on fighting."
~Sarah~
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
....for Katie
Katie has been yelling at me...repeatedly...for months...for not writing anything in this blog. I tell her that I have absolutely nothing to say and that I wouldn't even begin to know what to write about.
Unfortunately, that's really not true.
So just in case anyone actually still checks up on this, despite my pathetic inactivity over the past few months, this post's for (and partially from) Katie.
Katie: 2011 can't be THAT long cuz it doesn't even have a blog post from you...
Sarah: lol. i don't know what to write
Katie: re-post the note
**I put up a note on facebook. So i guess that that will be my next post, lol**
Sarah: mostly because every time I try to ask God anything about ANYTHING he says "wait!" and whenever i ask for clarity he says "wait!" I'm stuck. *sighs* What do you say about your "radical experiment" when all God says is wait over and over and over again?
Katie: that you think it's pretty radical to wait in a culture of "NOW!!!!!!!!!!!"?
Sarah: I think it's pretty annoying to wait. Does that count?
Katie: radically annoying?
Sarah: hahahahahaha. sure. It's like, here I am, all ready to go do SOMETHING. There are hungry people here who need to be fed, physically and spiritually. There are a million places that are in desperate need of radical prayer. There are people asking me to be in ministries. My church is asking me to be in leadership. The people I work with hate Christians. There's so much work to be done. But all I hear is "wait, wait, wait." lol. And then as far as radically giving....well...it doesn't feel that radical to save my spending money and to not have money for new clothes for work. Or to refuse to get a retirement account even though everyone thinks I'm nuts.
Katie: just because it doesn't feel radical doesn't mean it isn't.
Sarah: I'm trying to also make double payments on my student loans because God made it clear that that is a priority. So I got my spending down to very little so that I could do that, and then my "well" money comes out of my personal spending and clothes budget. So yeah. This does not feel radical at all. Wow, I wear old clothes to work and don't buy things for myself.
Katie: radical in this sense is in comparison with other's actions and not your own.
I think.
Sarah: and then the truth is that I know that everything God is asking me to do right now is extremely radical. It's just not a radical I feel comfortable with. And so I guess honestly I understand all the people who cling to their retirement accounts and their Friday night movies and won't open their eyes to the hungry people around them or the battles that are constantly waging. Because radical isn't...comfortable. But at least THAT type of radical feels like you're doing something. This type of radical is harder. It's harder for me, probably not for people who are actually good at anything...to give God the reins and let HIM do the radical things.I guess that's what's so radical about where God wants me to be right now. I'm not supposed to DO anything radical. I'm supposed to let HIM do all the radical things. But I guess...isn't that what being radical is all about anyway? Sitting back and having faith that God will come through in an incredibly awesome and radical way?
And so if you've stuck with me long enough to realize that I posted this, and if you've read through all of this nonsense that I went rambling on about to poor Katie last night, then I guess what I'm saying is...
I haven't posted in awhile because the radical that God is calling me to right now is NOT the radical that I signed up for at the beginning of the experiment. It's NOT a safe radical (although, it's funny, the author of the radical experiment would probably never have called his radical a "safe" radical). But it's where God wants me, so ultimately it's better and more terrifying and more beautiful. So if you'd like to keep reading, I suppose I can begin sharing the radical experiment that GOD is calling me to, which will be infinitely better than the radical experiment I have designed for myself.
~Sarah~
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